t h e n a t u r e o f a t t a c h m e n t
Attachment is a biological process that promotes survival. These attachment behaviors in babies are in place to elicit a response from his caregivers. "We bring our relational inheritance with us
A newborn will instinctively crawl to the breast of his mother to nurse.
He inherently knows how to suckle, and seek out her face.
He is able to mimic his father’s tongue sticking out moments following birth.
He is able to distinguish his mother and father’s voice from that of strangers.
He is capable of direct communication through crying.
His biological need to attach to his
These biological cues are the neon signs that flash, “I am here, and I need you to see me.”
Optimally, the newborn’s parental preference will invite an empathic response
and activate a positive dyadic dance of mutual exchanges between parent and
creating safety and security within their relationship.
and nowhere do we bring it more forcibly than into our parenting.
And a lot of people don't realize this.
When they think that parenting comes naturally, they're correct.
It does come naturally, but it comes naturally the way you learned it.
It doesn't necessarily come naturally to do it differently."
~Roy Muir
"When the Bough Breaks"
Frontline 1995
It is my view that trauma can dominate parental instinct.
For instance, a mother who has unacknowledged, unresolved, and unexpressed early childhood trauma may not be able to rely on maternal instinct to “kick in” for her at the birth of her baby.
The imprinted trauma of her own primary attachment experiences will be her
internal working model (her psychoneurobiological "blueprint")
of how she perceives her infant son, and her ability to mother him.
Thusly, a cry in her newborn may not prompt an immediate empathic response, but possibly an ambivalent, delayed one…or an impatient, anxious one…or a punitive, shaming one.
I imagine that maternal instinct continues to exist within this mother…
yet, it has been so buried; it seems inaccessible.
e m p a t h y
The attachment experience of the human being has a
very essential piece that must be put into place.
This is the piece of empathy.
Empathy can only exist within our core
to the degree of which we have experienced it interpersonally.
Empathy is learned. Empathy is the heart of humanness.
Lack of empathy allows caregivers to ignore, repress, oppress, spank, hit, punch,
belittle, shame, ridicule, molest, scapegoat, abandon, and kill babies and
Tragically, these innocent children throughout their lifespan can find themselves emotionally, cognitively, and physiologically compromised; leading to injury to self and others, criminal activity, addictions, dissociation, interpersonal detachment, mania, depression, anxiety, etc.
Epidemic stories of human pain and suffering, acts of interpersonal violence,
over-medicated children and adults, and overcrowded prisons
will continue to exist until we feel able to support one another
as a collective consciousness to wake up...and become attuned.
How many of these dis-eases would cease to exist
if all babies and young children felt wanted,
were treated empathically, and guided with integrity
throughout their childhood?
contact:
stacey annand
661-713-3330
stacey@theattunedparent.com
